Jul 04, 2019

Eminem Dropped A Surprise Album, This Was Very Unexpected.

Written by @TawandaTwoTimes from Tawanda Gona / 6 mins read

I don’t judge people on what they say or their opinions. I judge people based on the effect they have on others. When Eminem says anything, the world stops. He grew a beard and it made actual news – A lot of people say Eminem is the best rapper of alive. I don’t agree with those people, but they have a legitimate argument. Saying Eminem is the best rapper alive is understandable, but lazy. Rappers are weird because they don’t age like Athletes as much as they age like wrestlers. As long as the charisma is still there their character can still be believable. So with that said Eminem is like the Stone Cold Steve Austin of Rap, he was amazing at his peak but to call him the best wrestler today wouldn’t be fair to AJ Styles or Seth Rollins. If that analogy is too nerdy, Eminem is like The Simpsons of Rap, great at their peak, but calling it the best show on TV in 2019 is insane. This is why it’s so frustrating to have real conversations about Eminem because his legacy outshines his current state. Plus, I’m almost 80 percent sure Eminem fans aren’t rap fans because the things they love about him today aren’t what make rap good. “Oh he rhymes words really fast” “ok but what was the song about” “DID YOU SEE HOW MANY WORDS HE RHYMED” “but I don’t know what he’s talking abo-“ “HE CAN RHYME ANYTHING, HE RHYMED THE WORD ORANGE, HE’S KEEPING HIPHOP AL-” you get the picture. It’s tiring. So with that said let’s get into the surprise album Kamikaze

Eminem loves rapping and loves being angry.

First things first. Em is rapping his ass off. His flows are out of control like white water rapids or a Best Buy on Black Friday when they still got the 100-dollar flat screens. He truly is one of the greatest to ever pick up a microphone. Unfortunately, he’s not saying shit. I couldn’t tell you what he was talking about at any point in time, I know he said words, but I don’t know what those words mean. Eminem is like Picasso if he only painted pictures of his Dick. With no real focus besides “I’m the best rapper, these new rappers are dumb, I can rhyme anything” it all kind of blends together – I pressed play on Kamikaze and found out I could read faster than I could before, which is cool but not necessarily music. This is music you play at 1 AM when you got a final in the morning and an Adderall XR floating in a cup of coffee. It’s stressful. With that said this is also Eminem’s best album in years by a whole lot. The times I could I caught myself bobbing my head like “oh Eminem might be on to something” only to realize he wasn’t saying shit. It sucks because Eminem is good enough to rap about ANYTHING, but he doesn’t rap about…well anything. Which is weird because he always sounds pissed. How are you angry at nothing...all the time??? This is the pinnacle of rap? You are the most successful living rapper in the world, people idolize you but for some reason you’re still upset? That’s like finding out LeBron James punches walls.

Seriously, why did Eminem stop dyeing his hair?

However, people tell me “wELl TaWAnDuh YoU LiSTen to GuCcI, yOu CaN’T SaY AnYThING”. Which to their point is valid. But Gucci raps about something, he sells drugs, he kills people, he has sex with women. Every time I listen to Gucci he has a point he’s trying to make. He takes us on a journey into his world in hopes we can understand a bit more. What’s the point Eminem is trying to make? “I’m good at rapping” bro... WE KNOW. I want to hear more. I want to hear Eminem rap about being rich, I want to hear him rap about his influence, I want to hear how he feels about the fact that he’s an angry white rapper who unintentionally became the voice of a lot of internet trolls and alt-right Chuds. I want to hear him rap about living longer than he expected to live and how he’s reached heights he never thought he’d reach. I honestly want to hear him rap about what made him stop dyeing his hair blonde. I’m still not used to it and I would really like some closure. You get my point though. There’s mad shit he could rap about, but honestly it feels like he’d rather rap about how much he hates the fact he’s getting older and the rap game is changing. When I hear Eminem rap about the state of rap today it makes me think about how much people who were great at Cursive were probably pissed at how popular typing became. He’s crotchety. He’s arguably the best technical rapper of all time but god damn that is a Crotchety ass Nigga. He wants things to go back to what they were, where lyricism really mattered and how you made people feel took a backseat to saying actual words. He really really hates the fact that people stopped saying words. He put so much work into his flow and figuring out how to say words legibly so when he sees rappers get by on mumbling and making sounds, he gets a little upset. I digress though, Kamikaze isn’t terrible, Eminem wouldn’t allow that. The beats are cool, Eminem can rap well, but it’s all pointless. Remember when Randy Quaid screamed “IM BAAACK” and flew his fighter jet into the Alien Mothership at the end of Independence Day? Well this album feels like that except instead of the Mothership Eminem flew his jet higher and higher into space with no impact while still screaming. So now he’s just screaming and floating further and further away from us as we just stare at him confused... Kamikaze was ok. I give it 5 out of 10 of those weird soldier hats Eminem wears.