1. Track List (49)

Treat Yourself To Meghan Trainor’s Last Shot At Relevance With 2019’s TREAT MYSELF

Written by camjameson
/ 7 mins read

It’s not always easy to pick yourself back up after a devastating loss, especially when it comes to being a Popstar in today’s industry, but sometimes all it takes is a quick dye-job & a drastic stylistic shift to regain the trust of all those fans you’d disappointed in the last round, knowing audiences are fickle & are eager to consume whatever noise you can put out to help them disassociate from the relative darkness we call life. This was Meghan Trainor’s basic path when she created TREAT MYSELF, pulling a Bruno Mars & moving a step ahead of industry trends by overshooting the whole eighties-inspired New Wave Synth Pop revival entirely for more of an early-nineties Freestyle & Dance Funk aesthetic that felt totally unique at its time of release, announcing to the world that she’d learned from her past mistakes & was ready to become the radiantly-shining Pop idol she was destined to be all those years ago had she not squandered the faith her followers had supplied – With such heightened expectations, one would assume TREAT MYSELF was a massive improvement over the artist’s prior works, which it certainly shows signs of being at times, but it’d come with its own range of missteps & poor performance choices that’d only serve to prove why no one should support Trainor as an artist in the first place, the first issues arriving even before the album was even live when she moved the original August 2018 release date to January 2019 which itself has yet to be met. Time & time again Trainor has shown she has no interest in growing a backbone throughout her career & I for one am getting tired of feigning interest in what she has to offer, as I’m always let down by the promise of each new song’s instrumentation the moment she opens her mouth & begins singing.

At The Very Least, Let’s Kick Things Off With A Fucking Bang

Meghan Trainor comes out swinging on TREAT MYSELF with the unreleased-album’s lead-single “No Excuses,” returning to the feisty Bubblegum Pop melodies that made her famous in the first place with an underlying instrumental track that finally figured out how to appropriately appropriate Funk & R&B culture correctly; It does away with the blatantly-insincere feminism & uncharacteristically-mature sassiness of the last album’s most successful songs, instead opting for a delightful arrangement of bright Funk guitar riffs, exhilarating basslines & punchy vocals you can actually groove to, all whilst boasting an empowering narrative that stuck way more than tunes like “Me Too” ever did – Did the accompanying music video rely far too much on an awkward recreation of Destiny’s Child-like dance moves, wardrobe & filming techniques? Yes. Did the visual & narrative elements of the song portray the exact sort of industry-groomed unrealistic expectation of femininity Trainor railed against in every one of her prior albums? Oh hell yes, but it just goes to show how inauthentic she is as an artist, totally willing to shapeshift to whatever the label tells her to become so long as it sells records & keeps her elevated at Ariana Grande levels of mainstream appeal – Luckily, it’s enough of an undeniable jam to warrant multiple playthroughs, convincing listeners TREATY MYSELF might actually be the record we’ve wanted from Trainor all along, though as luck would have it, this is yet-again a tease of a future that could’ve been, as the remaining handful of published tracks fail to inspire as much spectacle or whimsy as we’d hoped.

Is Anyone Even Proofreading These Songs Anymore?

Hot on the tails of the astoundingly-upbeat “No Excuses,” Meghan Trainor’s next single “Let You Be Right” took all the lessons learned & put them into an even more spectacular Pop arrangement that was far & away more sonically-unique than 90% of her contemporaries, the only other modern artist really tackling Nu-Disco jams being her frequent collaborator Charlie Puth, who’s arguably the most authentic performer of the bunch. This jaunty number had listeners strapping on a pair of roller-skates & strolling down to the rink for a good ol’ round of roll-bounce on a Saturday night, delivering fantastic Daft Punk-esque Funk basslines & celebratory Diva vocals that made you want to sing along long after the song had ended, turning out to be an astonishingly captivating tune when all was said & done, at least until you hit the lyrics & found – as always – that Trainor has no concept of reality whatsoever – Taking the painful journey into misguided-feminism yet again, this song & so many others on the album is plagued with monotony, trying its best to put the power back in women’s hands by creating a firm & assertive persona who’s unafraid of speaking her mind only to perpetuate anachronistic gender norms in a damaging way instead, championing the sort of self-absorbed bratty mentality of old Synth Wave performers who wanted a white-picket fence & a nuclear family rather than trying to tackle true emotional & material equality in a relationship as a more educated feminist would, ruining what was easily the best song on the album. I don’t know if she’s just unaware of how misguided her narratives are or if her ghost-writers are intentionally steering her lyrics in this direction as some sort of anti-feminist conspiracy, but somehow every track Trainor creates just makes her & her fans look like a bunch of idiots – Sorry, not sorry.

Is It Time To Throw In The Towel?

For all we know, Meghan Trainor’s much-delayed contemporary album TREAT YOURSELF could turn out to be a massive success once it finally drops in its entirety somewhere down the road; It’s currently unfinished, with Trainor stating she had tons of new material she wanted to include on its mainstream release & certainly could wind up being completely different than the unbalanced production we’ve been presented with thus far, learning from criticisms such as my own to produce something we can all be proud of purchasing or at least illegally downloading one day, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. While songs like “All The Ways” create a surprisingly bubbly Pop atmosphere that makes perfect use of Trainor’s previous style & character, continuing on songs like the titular “TREAT MYSELF” that plunges headlong into the anthemic cheeriness of mid-noughties Radio Disney acts like the Jonas Brothers, there’s no guarantee the next batch of tunes won’t suddenly start dropping the ­N-word or shouting some ‘MAGA’ nonsense in the subtext of each song – Hey, it wouldn’t be outside the realm of reason given the basket of curveballs we’ve received on the last two albums, right? I’ve tried everything in my power to keep my head held high throughout Trainor’s career, believing there had to be a reason so many listeners continued to purchase her music despite all its inherent problems, but at this point I’ve given up even bothering to hide my disdain, as there’s nothing even remotely redeemable to be found in her music short of removing her entirely from the fantastic studio productions she sings over & giving them to a different artist altogether.

Meghan Trainor Unleashes The Talent She’s Been Hiding Away With New EP THE LOVE TRAIN

Written by camjameson
/ 7 mins read

Listen, y’all: I’ve been going in hard on Meghan Trainor’s declining relevancy as a Pop icon in my last few critical Narratives for her most recent records, doing everything in my power to convince the masses she’s been on a one-way trip to the bottom of the barrel ever since releasing her ‘first’ mainstream record Title, but I might’ve spoken too soon as her latest surprise EP drop THE LOVE TRAIN seems to have taken everything I said & turned it on its head to make me look like an absolute idiot – Coming just in time for everyone’s most-feared corporate holiday Valentine’s Day, Trainor’s newest entry improves upon every criticism I had with room to spare, dropping the more problematic melodic elements of her studio-perfected persona to produce what is easily the most original record she’s produced to date; Gone are the vast majority of her culturally-appropriating personality traits that made her feel like an American equivalent of the UK’s most culturally-insensitive Pop star Anne-Marie & much of the boring, formulaic, faux-Alternative R&B aesthetics which plagued her previous albums have likewise found their way into the trash bin, instead delivering a fairly-compelling collection of soothing Pop crooners & groovy Dance Funk jams that show off who she is as a musician for the very first time. It’s not the long-awaited second-half of her upcoming TREAT MYSELF record as many fans had been expecting, but it’s almost better that way as we don’t have to sit through her less-entertaining compositions just to get to the good stuff, replenishing what little faith I had that Trainor possessed any artistic integrity at all – I wouldn’t have believed it myself a mere two weeks ago, but THE LOVE TRAIN might actually be a good record, leaving me flabbergasted in disbelief after such a long string of literal trash informed her career hitherto.

This Locomotive’s Gears Are Tuned To Perfection

Kicking off this unexpected journey into melodic bliss is the song “I’M DOWN,” a number that cherry-picks thematic elements of the popular New Wave Synth Pop aesthetic & seamlessly fuses them with a more early-teens Progressive Pop sound, making for the first Meghan Trainor song you can genuinely say feels sonically enlightening, encouraging you to break a smile & fall in love with the idea of love all over again. It’s comprised of bright anthemic choral vocals with a feminine charm, a more reasonable narrative focus that finally puts all members of a relationship on equal footing as far as gender values are concerned, pleasantly jubilant percussion rhythms that’re just bouncy enough to casually dance to & some surprisingly competent mixing & mastering that envelops the listener with superb tonal balance across the track; There is, of course, still an obscene amount of compression & pitch-adjustment being applied to Trainor’s vocals that can easily take you out of the experience at times, but the overall production is pretty solid from tip to toe, a far-cry from whatever white-girl-with-a-chip-on-her-shoulder vibe she was going for on the last couple of records – Hell, she even found a more appropriate use for her Bubblegum Pop sensibilities in the track “GOOD MORNIN’,” injecting her happy-go-lucky theatre persona of years prior with an ever-so-slight dosage of World Pop soulfulness, the track’s skippy rhythms, powerful vocals & spiritual warmth evoking the sort of gentle kindness of Michael Jackson’s “Hold Me” from the Free Willy soundtrack or the vocal radiance of the Contemporary Christian music industry’s more tolerable songs of faith.

Next Stop: Home Sweet Home

Back when Meghan Trainor was first starting to get airplay on her local Massachusetts radio station with joints like her eponymous debut album Meghan Trainor & the much more refined acoustic record I’ll Sing With You, she had an identity you could actually count on – however generically Folky it may have been – & a flirtatious charm befitting a younger act in the Pop industry we’d known up until that point; She jammed out bubbly ukulele songs, waxed romantically about her incredibly-unrealistic perspective on love & generally just stayed in her lane, giving listeners music that actually represented her aesthetic instead of adhering to industry trends like a fame fiend – Like a lost child finally making their way back home, THE LOVE TRAIN rediscovers this rather endearing anachronistic charm, thus allowing the real Trainor to shine, songs like “MARRY ME” capturing the homogenized pleasantries of her forgotten past through light, wispy vocals, dreamy chord progressions & the return of the goofy ukulele once more, strumming away without a care in the world. On the flipside, tracks such as “AFTER YOU” take things back to the late-noughties era of Classic Pop composition, producing the sort of driving, hopeful vocal ballad you would’ve found on an earlier Leona Lewis or Christina Perri record, placing her vocal abilities on center-stage with little more than a lively grand piano hammering expressive major-key chord progressions whilst symphonic swells occur in the background, allowing us to appreciate her voice without the unnecessary sass & trendiness of her typical arrangements.

Old Habits Die Hard, But That’s Not Always A Bad Thing

For all the trouble it brought us in terms of cultural insensitivity & outright mimicry of far-greater musician’s styles from the late-nineties Alternative R&B scene, the previously-released tracks off Meghan Trainor’s TREAT MYSELF at least came packaged with some pretty fantastic grooves you could really get your booty shaking to, bringing Freestyle, Dance Funk & Synth Pop together in an interesting way. THE LOVE TRAIN thankfully doesn’t lose sight of this newfound melodic spunkiness, despite the album being mostly-comprised of softer Classic Pop tunes, with songs like “FOOLISH” taking on the best qualities of the whole roller-rink-cruisin’, attention-seeking Diva aesthetic in the best of ways; It’s packed to the gills with powerful multi-layered vocal harmonies, crisp supplementary guitar lines with a funky twist, thick basslines reminiscent of Random Access Memories-era Daft Punk & a decidedly playful vocal narrative evoking the spicy characteristics of early-days Justin Timberlake or more appropriately the jams her contemporary Charlie Puth has been churning out in recent years, yet-again reeling her scattered audience back home to rekindle their unhealthy obsessions for her music once more – I’m obviously not gonna say I was too harsh when reviewing Trainor’s previous three albums, as those Narratives were based on cold, hard facts which expressed exactly why I still hold such a fiery distaste for her music, but I’ve no issue with acknowledging that THE LOVE TRAIN is hands-down the best piece of sonic media even remotely-associated with her career, a significant improvement on the overengineered Popstar she was trying to be all these years & something I wouldn’t even mind seeing my friends gab about on Facebook for weeks as if it was the hottest new Adele track everyone just had to download. The question now is whether the official release of the as-of-yet-unfinished TREAT MYSELF is going to take a cue from was learned here or if it’s going to be more of the nonsense we were given last year? Only time will tell & if her track record’s anything to go by, it’s only a matter of time before things crash & burn, but for the first time I can openly say I’m hopeful there may be a future yet for this wasted talent.

Meghan Trainor Invades Our World For The First [Noteworthy] Time With Title

Though it feels like she made her grand entrance into the mainstream music space nearly a decade ago, Meghan Trainor first graced – or cursed, depending on your stance – us with her presence a mere five years ago with the original EP version of her breakout record Title, charging into the mainstream consciousness with an unrelenting charm that hit all the right spots as far as listeners were concerned – As if part of some super-secret underground marketing campaign that’d be planned for months, she seemingly gained her overwhelming notoriety in a matter of days upon the record’s release, playing on a loop alongside Sia’s fantastic “Chandelier” & Nicki Minaj’s bombastic “Bang Bang” as if she were the second coming of Christ, giving her one of the most outstanding freshman entries anyone had seen in years from a relative newcomer to the scene; Of course, this ultra-refined persona would soon be outed as a studio-exec’s pet project designed specifically to appeal to the masses, seeing as she literally deleted her entire library of previous albums from music distributors like iTunes & Spotify to give her new image an air of authority by distancing herself from the happy-go-lucky ukulele teen she was before, selling out to the nth degree & removing any sense of artistic integrity whatsoever – It goes without saying that this marketing treachery should’ve warned us from the get-go how problematic the young artist would become in the subsequent years, but the wool had already been pulled over our eyes, convincing everyone – even a typically-judgmental prick like myself – that Title was the bee’s knees, an album worth blasting when you wanted a moment of levity in a music industry besieged by an endless assault of Reggae Fusion vibes. Oh, how wrong we were…

Written by camjameson  / Mar 04, 2019

    Pop Media Allowed Meghan Trainor To Become A Monster On Her Album Thank You

    When it comes to Meghan Trainor’s so-called ‘follow-up’ record Thank You, it’s nearly impossible to describe it as anything but derivative garbage in comparison to what her contemporaries were producing around the same time in 2016, not only delivering what is arguably her most problematic album yet but one of the industry’s largest steps backward in terms of integrity, a half-hearted cash-in on industry trends that made previous Caucasian Pop appropriators like Taylor Swift look like absolute angels in hindsight; There’s no need to fake it, this is simply a bad album from tip to toe – As someone who has a soft spot for truly-inspired Pop music & whose classical training in music theory can acknowledge melodic skill when it’s present, I’ve no qualms with dragging this record through the mud as it represents everything wrong with mainstream media, going to great lengths to shamelessly adopt current trends without putting in the effort to deliver a cohesive musical journey you can actually get behind, essentially giving those still stuck in the eighties-era mindset of ‘what’s Black is mine’ a reason to continue feigning ignorance for little more than a quick buck. Thank You was initially presented as somewhat of a transformative career move for Trainor, pushing her sound even harder into the whole ‘I’m an infallible goddess’ aesthetic with a blatant display of fake-feminism only the most uneducated listener could possibly stomach, putting a heavy strain on the progress other more-effective female artists had made towards gender-equality & doing so in the name of self-centered stardom, making everyone within earshot a party to the downfall of Pop music’s integrity.

    Written by camjameson  / Mar 04, 2019

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      12. Artist Info


      Meghan Elizabeth Trainor (born December 22, 1993) is an American singer-songwriter. Interested in music from a young age, Trainor wrote, recorded, and produced three independently released albums between 2009 and 2011.
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