TawandaTwoTimes

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Megan Thee Stallion (10)
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TRACKLIST

Collected by ”@TawandaTwoTimes”

NARRATIVES

Written by “@TawandaTwoTimes”

Eminem Dropped A Surprise Album, This Was Very Unexpected.

I don’t judge people on what they say or their opinions. I judge people based on the effect they have on others. When Eminem says anything, the world stops. He grew a beard and it made actual news – A lot of people say Eminem is the best rapper of alive. I don’t agree with those people, but they have a legitimate argument. Saying Eminem is the best rapper alive is understandable, but lazy. Rappers are weird because they don’t age like Athletes as much as they age like wrestlers. As long as the charisma is still there their character can still be believable. So with that said Eminem is like the Stone Cold Steve Austin of Rap, he was amazing at his peak but to call him the best wrestler today wouldn’t be fair to AJ Styles or Seth Rollins. If that analogy is too nerdy, Eminem is like The Simpsons of Rap, great at their peak, but calling it the best show on TV in 2019 is insane. This is why it’s so frustrating to have real conversations about Eminem because his legacy outshines his current state. Plus, I’m almost 80 percent sure Eminem fans aren’t rap fans because the things they love about him today aren’t what make rap good. “Oh he rhymes words really fast” “ok but what was the song about” “DID YOU SEE HOW MANY WORDS HE RHYMED” “but I don’t know what he’s talking abo-“ “HE CAN RHYME ANYTHING, HE RHYMED THE WORD ORANGE, HE’S KEEPING HIPHOP AL-” you get the picture. It’s tiring. So with that said let’s get into the surprise album Kamikaze

Jul 04, 2019

The Weeknd Aants You To Be Sad Faster Than You’ve Ever Been Sad

The Weeknd is like the Harriet Tubman of OVO. After helping create a new sound and my favorite Drake album “Take Care”, he realized that he was worth more than a potential owl tattoo and a pat on the back from Drake. Through his own cunning and sheer determination, he escaped the OVO sweatshop with the overseer known as Drake and lived to tell the tale. He tried to take PartyNextDoor and DVSN with him, but they didn’t know they were slaves to OVO. He ran off on Drake and built a career all his own with nothing besides cocaine and heartbreak. You can tell that I Love Makonnen thought he would make the same moves but unfortunately, he watched his biggest single become another one of Drake’s. The Weeknd climbed out of the prison like Bruce Wayne in Rises and immediately got to work. Abel is one of the few artists who can announce music and completely shift everyone's mood. He’s like a summer thunderstorm when you’re at Six Flags, all you can do is stop and wait for him to pass before you walk through a much damper world. The Weeknd really is just like a storm except instead of Thunder strikes you hear strange yodeling. The minute you start press play on a Weeknd song things just get Dark and stay there; he's like the Winter Solstice. He’s comparable to the Night King from Game Of Thrones if instead of killing the living to create skeleton monsters, he just made you want to do drugs and have unprotected sex with strangers who take their Instagram photos exclusively with the X-Pro II filter. It goes without saying that people LOVE The Weeknd the way they love their antidepressants. I never got into him because I was well adjusted and was going through a legendary dry spell, so I had no chance to have depressing sex. However, I’ve since caught up and lived a semi sad couple of years, so when I saw that he had a tape literally called “My Dear Melancholy” coming out, I was ready to prepare myself for the pain. I put on a faded black hoodie on over a slightly less faded black tee and a new dad hat (the saddest outfit) and pressed play.

Jul 04, 2019

Rico Nasty is the Anti Hero We’ve Been Waiting For.

Rico Nasty is a really dope name. Seriously, if I wanted to be a porn star that exclusively wears Timbs or a Puerto Rican Captain Planet Villain, I’d call myself Rico Nasty. It has a cool dangerous energy, like you could see ‘Rico Nasty’ beating the shit out of the Power Rangers for two episodes before Tommy comes back as the White Ranger and unifies the team with his talking sword. Rico Nasty just sounds like what you’d call a lower level STD in order to lighten the mood amongst your friends while your genitals are on fire. “Homie got that Rico Nasty, don’t pass him the blunt for at least a week”. In actuality though, Rico Nasty is a pretty cool female rapper who just doesn’t give a fuck and raps like every song could be her last before she spontaneously combusts. I like that. If I had to describe Rico Nasty’s rap style I’d say it’s like if Angelica Pickles and Susie Charmichael did the Fusion dance while someone hit a beat machine with a hammer. She’s got this frenetic, almost chaotic flow that just works. It reminds me of way hood chicks used to fight by windmilling their fists trying to hit anyone and anything. You ever play the game The Last Of Us? You know how the Clickers run at you swinging just trying to grab blindly? That’s what Rico raps like. She reminds me of ScHoolboy Q on every song he has with A$ap Rocky if you sprinkled a little cocaine on him. After a mixtape and some singles Rico’s gained enough attention to drop her album “Anger Management”. So, let’s get to it.

Jun 28, 2019

You Can’t Spell Post Malone Without “Alone”

Post Malone looks like the Hollywood definition of White Trash. He’s filthy but in a strangely clean way. He’s like a redneck in a glossy Harmony Korrine movie. He’s fashionable but I know that he has a favorite opossum and one raccoon he has a tense relationship with. I’m not sure if he smells or not, but if he does, he smells clean and dirty at the same time, like a Salvation Army before it opens. I know I shouldn’t trust Post Malone but his music is consistently dope. I listen to Post Malone with the worry that he’ll say the N-Word at some point. I know it’s coming, or it’s happened before, there’s literally no way possible that he hasn’t. You can’t be THAT person without saying the n-word, that’s like wearing all vineyard vines and not saying “but her emails”. Post Malone looks like the guy who brings guitars to parties and the guy who freestyles at parties poorly raised a baby together. He’s dirty and clean at the same time, like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. We all know a white dude or two that looks just like Post Malone and we wouldn’t leave them in our houses alone. However beneath that lovably crusty exterior, there lies a whole lot of problematic speaking. He’s been called a culture vulture on several different occasions and his thoughts on Modern HipHop do not help. Instead of heaping praise to the genre that opened it’s doors to him, he acted like he was above it and really didn’t need the distinction. This is problematic as many white artists before Post Malone have made the same distinctions in order to gain more of their white fanbases trust while further alienating his (disappointed) black fanbase. Music fans with more integrity than me refuse to listen to Post Malone because of his dumb ass thoughts, however I don’t have much musical integrity as I always want to fit in, so I figured I’d give Post a shot. I felt guilty at first because of all things considered but then I let it go because he looks like a Dog that learned how to speak Human. So, with that said I pressed play on “Beerbongs and Bentleys”.

Jun 28, 2019

The Travis Scott Theme Park Is Open And You Must Be *This* High To Ride

Travis Scott is a real enigma. A mystery of a man, a man of mystery, he’s a giant question mark that can’t be defined. I’m not exactly sure what his motivations and desires are. For a while I seriously thought he had a personality disorder. He reminded me of L from Death Note in real life. The main difference between the two is that L is clearly a hero while Travis is a bit murkier. L stood for justice, at the end of the day he wanted to bring Light to the proper authorities to stop murders, I don’t think Travis Scott cares about “justice”. Travis just exists, his motivations are independent, and he doesn’t allow himself to be swayed by what anyone says he should or shouldn’t do. As an anime character he’d be cool as hell. but in real life he’s a guy dressed like a ninja in a time where we don’t need ninjas. Actually, that’s a great way to describe Travis, a HipHop ninja who strikes quickly and quietly to make very large results. Travis Scott had a baby with Kardashian, released multiple pairs of his own WRESTLING THEMED Jordans, co-headlined the Super Bowl (after everyone asked him to boycott it and he lied about talking to Kaepernick about it) and dropped his long anticipated album...all while having the same dusty braids. La Flame is living every young male black nerd’s DREAM. This is what young ashy niggas fantasize about when boys in black tees are throwing milk cartons at them and girls are still putting them in the friendzone to sleep with the boys holding milk cartons. I won’t lie, if Travis was white, he’d definitely give off school shooter energy but luckily for us black kids don’t buy guns, they just rap. So, in honor of his accomplishments let’s discuss his biggest work to date. “ASTROWORLD”.

Jun 28, 2019

Kanye is Krazy

Hating Kanye West seems too easy. He’s been a punching bag for a majority of his career. However, I can say from personal experience, being an arrogant nerdy black dude with a goofy name draws the ire of a lot of people. I know it’s hard to picture now since he’s become a household name but, “Kanye” is a weird ass name. I can already tell that he had to learn how to lean into saying it because people definitely gave him a weird look the first time he introduced himself. But I digress, the Kanye hate is out of control. Does he say wild shit? Of course. Does he say dumb shit? Most definitely! Does he associate with people who are dangerous to Black and Brown people in America? You bet your ass he does. But does he deserve all the flack he gets? No. Does he deserve some hate? Yes, but ALL OF IT? No. I get that we live in outrageous times where things said on the internet are considered worse than things done in person but let’s be real. Kanye hasn’t killed anyone and written a book about it, sold out the American Public to shatter everything Barack Obama did, or Punched Rihanna in the face. The only crime Ye has committed is disappointing the American Public. Now some people already hated him because he’s an arrogant black man married to the Marie Antoinette of our generation: Kim Kardashian so this is just rollover hate. However, things have gotten exceptionally worse in the past couple years. I won’t lie though, he says a lot of dumb shit I can’t defend, so much shit I had to block him on all social media like an Ex who’s doing “too well”. My block game was so serious that I almost missed the fact he had an album coming out. Almost. So, with that said let’s get into “ye”.

Jun 21, 2019

If Kenny from Southpark was a Rapper, he’d be Tyga

Wrestling is a fake sport. Well the proper term in “Pre-Determined” as no matter how theatrical or over the top it can be, these are all still athletes putting themselves through grueling work. In Wrestling, there are wrestles that are called “jobbers” or “designated losers”. Their sole purpose is to wrestle someone and get beat the fuck up spectacularly to showcase how talented their opponent is. Most jobbers are no name guys you never see again, but some become famous for jobbing. Could you imagine becoming famous for losing? Becoming a legend for how well you can get beat up? It’s almost impressive. This brings me to Tyga, who might be hip-hop’s most successful Jobber. Tyga has been the punchline to so many jokes that he’s spawned the careers of many internet personalities. People love mocking him because, well he’s easy to mock. His name is Tyga, he’s small, he has a baby by Blac Chyna, his music is consistently mediocre and he dated Kylie Jenner BEFORE SHE WAS 18. Yeah that last little Snapple fact put Tyga’s career on ice for a bit as people were pretty uncomfortable listening to him rap about sex while he’s dating someone he legally can’t have sex with. However, Tyga somehow found a way to persevere for a 10+ year rap career. Tyga’s greatest ability is being able to make a hit song no matter how little people respect him. He has an impeccable ear for beats and a flow that’s adequate enough for the songs to get spins. I have no idea how he can be so terrible and so good at the same time, but I really want to find out. So naturally when I saw he had an album coming out, I decided to listen to it. So, with that said, let’s get into Legendary.

Jun 21, 2019

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